When you realise that it’s a bad fit

This is the second partnership that has fallen through this month. What is it that I’m supposed to be learning, I wondered.

I channelled earlier the theme for this month and wrote it at the top of my diary. It was: “You are being guided to make choices that are based on Love.”

It was a stormy morning today negotiating terms of a collaborative partnership that is only about a month old.
In the end it fell through, unfortunately. 
The emotions that came out overtook reason.
Followed with an awkward lunch – filled with meaningless chatter because each were trying to skirt around the elephant in the room.
Finally, the partners left.

Shortly afterwards a passerby had his glass flask fall on the floor and break into pieces just outside the shop. It was a youngish malay guy, he mumbled something about this glass being super hardy, and has fallen many times before but never broke. This was ‘possibly due to bad luck’ … he just kept repeating that. I stood there in shock, feeling mostly numb and lost.
The sound of glass shattering shook me out of my reverie. I had been still thinking about the morning’s exchange, trying to deal with the remnants of the words exchanged and emotions that were still rolling around.
I asked what I could do – turned around into the shop and handed him some tissue to protect his hands while he was picking up the pieces, gave him an envelope to put them in… went to call the mall cleaning lady to come help. And also I shared with him that I had had quite a difficult discussion earlier and maybe some of the turbulent energies were still in the area, so apologised for that.
Something I didn’t say out loud but was thinking: sometimes, things break – esp things like crystals etc because they were helping to neutralise a bad vibe. In chinese it is called “lose the money, to block the disaster” 破财挡灾. Yeah that’s probably it, because also I was feeling gross unhappiness about having to fork out money for the lunch despite a failed negotiation and also feeling a feeling of dissatisfaction on the monetary returns I had gotten from the partnership so far. 

Ungratefulness is a really yucky state to be in. It even breaks glass, you see. You definitely want to snap out of the state if you ever find yourself dwelling in too much of it.

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